One of A Kind

Dear Christopher Tracy,

Here is what I call the Casino Dilemma: As a young man in a relationship, it's like winning big at a casino. You're happy that you've won, but you wonder if you can win more. However, you know you could lose it all trying to find out. So what do you do?

Signed,

The One Armed Bandit 

Bandit,

I’ve never been to the Bellagio, but I do know a thing or two about gambling. Your issue raises an important paradox. People always insist that in order to find love and happiness we have to put ourselves out there, take risks (YES, gamble!). But once you have the veritable “good hand” who tells you to step away from the table? The truth is, just like the game Blackjack in which you are given the option to “stand” or “hit” (or even double down) there is always the option to forsake what you have for the exciting and unknown. But, I would advise that you take only a very calculated risk—You have already declared that your girl has you feeling like you’ve hit the jackpot. And while you may or may not have a Royal Flush (greatest love of all time), you have a Queen and that’s always a good start!

Nevertheless, if you feel that you have to roll the dice, or shop around as Smokey Robinson described it, don’t feel horrible. You are young and perhaps there is someone better out there for you. But you MUST be honest about this with your partner. Don’t give her your best poker face while you peruse the deck. Why? Simple--Cheaters never win.

I’ll leave you with a quote that may help you put your dilemma into perspective, “Never leave the one you love for the one you like because the one you like will leave you for the one they love.”

Good Luck,

CT

The Look

Dear Christopher Tracy,

Ok...so...one day I happened to be browsing Facebook and noticed on the mini-feed on my homepage that some pics had been posted of my ex-boyfriend...so...I being my nosey self decide to take a look-see. I guess the pics were taken at some Halloween party since everyone was all dressed up. Anyways...as I’m clicking through the pics I notice that he is in a bunch of pics with this girl that he's apparently interested in (and that I now know that he's going out with)...she was sitting in his lap. Now that didn't bother me...but I stopped when I got to one particular pic...one in which someone was trying to put a wig on the girl's head while she sat in his lap...and u could see his face through the arms of the person putting the wig on her head...it was "the look" I’d seen several times before...the "oh my goodness...I love you soooo much...I’m sooo happy...blah blah blah...mush"... it's not that I want him back or that I’m still upset that we broke up...it's more that he found potentially "the one" (that he was in a new relationship that would potentially last for a decent amount of time...well at least longer than a couple of weeks). I mean...I started dating before him after we broke up...and I’ve been through a handful of guys...but nothing serious or real...and it really pisses me off! What’s wrong with me...am I not good enough...or are all the guys out there just asses who wanna get some?

Signed,

Tricked-Not-Treated

T-N-T,

Have you ever heard the song “Can’t Hurry Love”? It’s not only the first thing that came to mind upon hearing your story, but also serves as the basis for my advice. Love and finding that “one” is many a great thing, but a race it is not. Just because it seems that your ex may have found a good thing quickly does not mean that something is wrong with you. And the fact that you haven’t found a man who is looking for true commitment doesn’t lessen YOUR worth. Far too often (and really to no one’s fault) people who have recently gotten out of a relationship have amnesia about life before that relationship: meeting new people, analyzing compatibility, and yes, realizing that some people aren’t about more than the physical. But in T.I.M.E. and with optimism and self-confidence you will no doubt find yourself exchanging an enchanting glance with your Adonis, in awe of his real life Venus de Milo.

So don’t be in hurry to find your next serious relationship. And if you are truly over your ex, be happy for him; but don’t let his apparent happiness be the ruler against which you measure your own relationship growth. Stay positive and remember it’s about T rust, Intimacy, Maturity, Equity.

My treat,

CT